Strand Two: Catch the happiness bug
Unit Two: Smile!
When we have a photo taken we smile. Why? Because a photo is a lasting record of ourselves and we want to be remembered as a happy person, even if we're not.
But why such a universal wish to be recorded as happy?
Because happy people are fully alive and are valued as part of their group. Who would want to be recorded as anything less?
When we don't look happy we display the signs we noted in the first unit of this strand. Our arms are often crossed, protecting the soft areas of our body and vital organs (we are threatened, frightened). Our back, the part of our body that most effectively protects us, is rounded, offering the greatest area towards the world (we expect to be attacked). Our legs are probably held together or crossed hiding our genital area (sex, therefore procreation, is not what we want). Our neck is shortened as we pull our shoulders up and our head down (we are fearful of an unseen assailant from behind). Our voice is low, our gestures restrained and our eyes down to make us as inconspicuous as possible (we don't want to start any trouble because we don't think we'd win).
In the Stone Age anyone exhibiting this body language would have been seen as someone to steer clear of. After all, what could they offer the hunting group? The lame, the injured, the loser in the fight for supremacy - they are 'a drag'. They slow the pack down, they need help but are unlikely to be able to repay it, they are unreliable.
We've looked at the importance of standing tall, but think about all the other gestures that make people look happy, glad to be alive and valued by others.
And first among these is the smile.
Who smiles a lot? Celebs on chat shows. Use them to learn the art of looking happy.
Think of the male celebrity lounging on the sofa on the chat show. His arms are thrown wide across the back of the sofa and his legs may well be open wide too. (The fashion for young men to wear white socks with dark trousers highlights the position of the feet. Men who adopt this fashion seem more than usually keen to sprawl with wide open legs announcing their lack of fear, and the availability of their genitals, to the world.) Back to our celeb! His head is up, his eyes bright, he makes a lot of noise, using the full range of his voice including shouting and laughing. He's at the top. He's happy (or a great actor) and even though people may not like him they want to be near him. This man is signalling a strong determination to live. He's a champion and we can't help but be impressed.
Female celebrities will sit very straight (as only the young and strong can do without even trying), they will be less likely to throw their arms over the back of the sofa but they will lean across and touch the host or the person next to them on the sofa from time to time ('look at me, I'm not frightened of anyone'). Their legs will probably be tight together or crossed but they may well wear bright shoes (rather than white socks) and a short skirt to direct attention to a just-out-of-your-reach genital area. They will smile almost continuously and flash their eyes, as if exceptionally interested in the other people on the show. They will flutter lengthened eyelashes and break easily into laughter. These signals suggest youth, health and vitality - ideal mating stock! They are displaying a determination to live life to the full.
I am not suggesting all celebrities are happy. I suggest they are actors who know how to look happy. And so their body language is worth studying. You are unlikely to need to use all the elements of the celebrity act. They are vying for success in front of millions so can't afford to be too difficult to understand. Their messages are direct and clear. But notice how being, or acting, happy is key to their ambitions to draw people towards them and their music, books or films. They know that right-thinking people want to get close to happiness, to catch that bug.
So now that you know how to stand up straight, decide on what other body language you will use to give off an aura of happiness. Sit straight if you're a woman but reach out and touch people. Let your arms extend the space you take up if you're a guy. Whilst l find the bright socks and open legs lounge irritating (but then I'm more interested in lifetime provider than this body language advertises!), a man with the confidence to gesture enthusiastically, to throw an arm along the back of a sofa, to laugh loudly, announces a will to live that I always want to get close to.
Finally if you can only make one change this week make it this. Smile!
Make a conscious effort to start every conversation or comment with a brief smile. It doesn't need to be a broad smile just the faintest of twitches at the corners of your mouth and a slight raising of the top eyelid and pushing out the skin at the outside corners of your eyes. Humans are so adept at reading body language that this is all it takes for a person to know you are 'inwardly' smiling. And do the same at the end of every conversation or comment too.
If this sounds impossible in certain circumstances, it isn't. If you are going to say something negative (though you may want to rethink this is many cases) a slight smile puts both you and the other person in a different mood. A big grin signals aggression but a twitch of the facial muscles is positive. Try it. Try it often. Try it every time you speak.
I have watched in awe as a colleague has spoken up at meetings with strong unequivocal criticism then flashed a sudden momentary smile just as she finishes speaking. Her criticism is taken seriously and she gains kudos with her colleagues and boss rather than being side-lined as a trouble-maker as others making similar comments often are. I have learnt a lot from this happy and successful person.
I have also learnt a lot from watching colleagues who drop their eyes as they pass my desk so that it's almost impossible to smile at them. They never say 'good morning' when they come in to work. They just hang their coats up and get right down to it. Shyness? A wish to give full value and not waste company time? You can call it whatever you like but the fact remains these are not the people who tend to be successful, or happy.
So, the exercise today: smile - whatever the situation, whatever your mood. Smile and watch the world smile back. Corny but true!
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